Help Me
by seeyouontheice
Summary: basically Jac needs Mo's help one day and Mo needs Jac's


Something was wrong – Jac was certain of it. But she wasn't certain as to _what_ was wrong, or maybe she was doing everything humanly possible not to think of the possibilities. All she knew was that something was wrong and she was scared. Terrified, even … she didn't want things to go wrong, quite the contrary in reality; she wanted everything to go right; because if everything went right then maybe, just maybe, things between her and Jonny would start to go right too. Jac hadn't had the cramps – the agonizing pains – since they'd discovered her pregnancy all those weeks ago, but in the early hours of the morning she'd woken due to the pain and her mind had immediately convinced her that something was wrong; that it was over.

She'd spilt some water on her kitchen floor whilst washing up and had forgotten to clean it up meaning that when she went to put the cutlery away in the draw, she slipped and landed in a rather painful heap on the floor. She'd thought nothing of it at the time, but when Jac had woken in the early hours she suddenly felt her blood run cold. It wasn't as if she'd been able to reach out and grab some painkillers either out of fear that the chemicals inside the tablets would just add to the wrongness of her situation. So, naturally, Jac had not taken anything for the pain and had lay on her bed struggling to control her breathing and her emotions and her hormones as she waited for her alarm to announce it was time to get up.

The surgeon groaned when she remembered that it was her day off; at least at work there was the reassurance that help was only a shout away if it was needed. _Help…_ not a word Jac was familiar with using, but one she knew she regularly needed. But with help came trust; if you didn't trust a person, why would you let them help you? The prospect of spending the entire day in her flat worrying herself senseless over what the pains meant and why she was bleeding three months into her pregnancy was not appealing to her in the slightest.

She had two options, neither of which seemed appealing to Jac. One, she could be a stubborn fool like she usually was, bury her head in the sand and ignore it in the hopes it will go away or two, she could swallow her pride and make her way into the ED or even AAU. Jac rolled onto her side, curling into a tiny ball in the middle of her bed as she struggled with the pain and struggled with what it could mean. If she had one, now would be the time when she'd grab her phone and sob down it to her mother, begging to know that it was nothing to be worried about and nothing to get worked up over.

But of course she didn't have a mother to cry to.

Knowing that she couldn't ignore all this in her current state and refusing flat out to call an ambulance or head into the ED or AAU, Jac was forced to think of a third option. Her phone 'pinged' a text message which she ignored until it pinged again to remind her she still needed to read it. Reaching out blindly for the device on her bedside table, Jac dropped it on the bed bedside her as she struggled through another bout of agonising cramps. Curiosity getting the better of her as another three messages arrived in quick succession; Jac picked up her phone and peered at the texts through half closed eyes.

_Thought you were working today._

_Jonny's late in._

_Elliot's got himself another date._

_Yeah you're probably gonna sack me for wasting your time._

Jac rolled onto her back and let out a sigh. It didn't take a genius to work out that something was bothering Mo … not wanting to be faced with the prospect of more bleeding, Jac half fell out of bed as she made her way to the bathroom. She couldn't do this alone, but she didn't want one huge fuss over nothing – if it was nothing. In fact she didn't want a huge fuss even if it was something; she wasn't ready to tell people about being pregnant yet.

Mo put down her phone with a sigh and glanced round the empty ward trying to justify texting Jac rather than Jonny. The answer was simple enough; she just didn't want to face it. Not entirely happy with the fact that she wasn't due in theatre at all that day, the registrar resigned herself to paperwork while wondering if Jac would even bother to reply at all. She wasn't fooling herself, she had texted Jac out of the hopes that the consultant would remember what today was … Jonny remembering was about as likely as Elliot going on a diet. But then why would Jac remember? She had no reason to, she was happy and had made it through her first trimester without any hiccups … why would she want to remember what today was?

A bleep from her phone made her glance down and Mo frowned at the two words from Jac; _help me._ A second later the screen changed to announce an incoming call from the consultant. Hesitating only for a fraction of a second, Mo accepted the call and placed the phone to her ear.

How she'd managed to drive her car and not crash, Jac would never know. Getting awkwardly out of the driver's seat she shut the door with more force than she'd intended before having to lean against the side of the vehicle as a wave of dizziness wafted over her. Eternally thankful at her decision to park in the less used car park round the back of the hospital, Jac made her way up the back stairs to Darwin. She almost walked right into Elliot as he made his way down the stairs towards the canteen with Sharon Kozinsky.

"I didn't think you were in today," Elliot remarked pleasantly.

"Erm no … I thought I'd use the day to catch up on paperwork."

"I take it you cleared it with Hanssen?"

"Naturally," she lied knowing full well that Sharon was watching her intently.

"Are you alright Jac? Only you look rather pale … and seem rather," he searched for the right word, "frail."

"I'm fine Elliot – had some questionable looking pasta last night." Wondering how Elliot was still buying all these food poisoning stories, Jac climbed the last few steps and pushed her way through the doors onto the ward. It was remarkably empty save for the odd elective waiting for Elliot to get round to them. No wonder Mo hadn't complained about helping her, and had agreed not to go to obs and gynie for Mr Thompson unless it was necessary.

Avoiding as many people as humanely possible, Jac ducked into the office before she was spotted by Jonny; she couldn't cope seeing him today knowing that the chances where that the pregnancy was already over. Jac collapsed into her chair and shut her eyes just as the door opened and then closed. "You look like total crap … why the hell didn't you just suck it up and call an ambulance?"

"Would you have?"

"It wasn't my baby."

"Technically it was, you just refused get attached and let it go."

"Fine … you gonna let me check you over or do I need to involve Jonny?"

Jac opened her eyes and glanced at the registrar, "do you want me to say something to him that I'll regret?"

"Why did you ask me for help Jac?"

"I don't –" she gasped as her abdomen clenched and cramped.

"Jac?" Mo's voice wavered above her worriedly and Jac let her eyes shut tight until the pain eased slightly. "Right, no arguing – I'm checking you over," the registrar pulled the consultant to her feet and the guided her out of the office and into the side room. Pushing her gently onto the bed, Mo pulled the curtains round before turning to her 'patient'. "Please tell me you've taken some pain relief." Jac shook her head, "oh for fuck sake Jac! Are you mental or something? Do you enjoy being like this?"

"I … I wasn't sure what I could take – and if it would make things worse," she mumbled.

"I'll get you something oaky? But tell me what happened first," Mo ordered perching on the edge of the bed.

Jac tried to think, "slipped over last night and –"

"You had a fall?"

"Not far, spilt some water on the floor and forgot to mop it up. I – I didn't think anything of it until I woke up about three with ... with the pain from before."

"You know it's probably just your endometriosis playing up again … although your fall doesn't really make things any better." Mo smiled slightly, "I'll get you those pain killers, anything else I should know about?"

Jac bit her lip causing the transplant registrar to narrow her eyes until the redhead gave in, "I've been bleeding again," she whispered as if she was ashamed of that fact.

Mo wanted to say that it was nothing, but Jac was three months – twelve weeks – and that wasn't likely at this stage. "Well I'll get the painkillers and grab an ultrasound machine so that –"

"No."

"What?"

"No ultrasound."

"But that's the simplest way, the quickest way, to find out –"

"I'm not looking at an empty screen." Jac said adamantly, "please … no ultrasound."

Mo thought about it furiously for a moment or two, "okay, what if I sent off a urine sample? If it comes back positive then we'll do an ultrasound. Compromise sound good?"

Jac nodded reluctantly once before letting her head drop back against the pillows as Mo slipped out of the room to find the pain relief for Jac, and grab the correct pot for the urine sample. Handing Jac the painkillers Mo then gave her the pot with instructions to come and find her when she was done because some new RTA was arriving in about five minutes apparently. "Fine, I'll find you when I'm done."

Hoping that she wasn't about to walk into Jonny, Jac made her way to the ladies' grabbing hold of a sink as another dizzy wave came over her. With difficulty she filled the pot, flushed the toilet and washed her hands before leaning against the sinks and studying her reflection in the spotted, dirty mirror. The poor condition of the mirror just added to the dead-on-her-feet look and made her seem ill rather than pregnant. Trying her best not to think too much on 'what ifs', Jac concealed the pot of pee in her hand as she headed back out onto the ward to find Mo.

"You can send your own pee off to the lab!" Mo joked as Jac joined her at the nurses' station, "are those painkillers kicking in yet?"

"Yeah … thanks."

Sensing that her mind was unable to stop dwelling on the fact that it could all be over Mo watched as Jac filled out some fake details on the pot of pee before sending it off to the lab before speaking, "okay; stop dwelling – we won't know anything until they come back."

"But what if –"

"Nothing; whatever the outcome, I'll help you." Mo promised and Jac gave her a rare smile.

"What happened to your RTA?"

"Diverted to St James' due to traffic," Mo muttered as a baby started screaming somewhere on the ward.

"What's that?" Jac demanded at once. Mo reluctantly got to her feet beckoning Jac to follow her, curious the CT surgeon trailed after the registrar stopping just outside of one of the bays. Peering round the edge of the curtain Jac suddenly found the source of the noise and why Mo was acting the way she was acting. Dragging the surgeon into the staff room Jac turned to her with her arms crossed. "Please tell me you're not planning to treat her?"

"Elliot's in theatre all day … unless …"

"No."

"I haven't said anything!"

"The answer is still no. Send them to St James' or something."

"I can't do that Jac," Mo told her softly.

"Neither you nor I can deal with this today," Jac pointed out.

"How did you work that one out?"

"Oh so the fact that we think I've miscarried means I'm the perfect person to treat a baby? And the fact that the baby is the one _you_ gave birth to a year ago today makes you the other perfect person to be on the case?"

"I … I – I …"

"You thought I'd forgotten," the lack of answer from Mo made Jac smirk; "I'm not Jonny."

"I'd noticed …" Mo slumped into a seat at the table and let her head fall against it, "I don't know what I'm doing Jac … I mean I didn't – didn't think …" it took a moment for Jac to realise the registrar was close to tears.

"That you'd get attached; jeeze what did you think would happen? Three months ago I'd have thought it possible – that you could be pregnant and not care about it," she sighed, "now I don't understand how anyone wouldn't care."

Mo shrugged, "you don't realise until you're actually in the situation. Could you give your kid up?"

"No … and I will always admire you for doing that – for having a child that wasn't even yours in the first place." Jac glanced down at her stomach, wondering why she felt so calm despite the knowledge she could've lost everything she hadn't thought she could lose. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know … and it's not William who needs treatment."

"Who?" Jac asked confused.

"The baby – they called him William."

"What kind of name is that?"

Mo smiled slightly, "Jonny was of that opinion." She glanced at Jac, "you two are right prats at the moment, know that? Just tell him Jac."

"I can't …"

"Why?"

"Because if it's nothing he'll think I won't cope."

"You know he won't – if anything he'll realise how much you are committed to this baby," Mo sighed, "but what if the worse happens?"

"I can't tell him … Mo; I can't tell him!"

"Okay … but you can't hide it from him either."

Jac crossed her arms, "that's beside the point – you've got a screaming kid out on the ward and a mother needing surgery. What are you going to do?"

Mo was looking fixedly at the door, "will you help me? It'll take your mind off what if."

Jac gave in on the theory of Mo had helped her, "Best get on with it then hadn't we? But I can't treat until _you've_ cleared it with Hanssen."

"Okay – you do realise that means you're on baby duty?" Mo smirked as she got to her feet, "oh c'mon don't back out now – you were the first to hold him."

"Whatever – don't tell Jonny."

"That you're gonna spend the day playing with a baby? What is the world coming to?" Jac wasn't given a chance to respond as Mo left the room, heading in the direction of the bay with the screaming child. Pulling back the curtain, Jac watched as Mo steeled her mind before making a start on treating the woman she'd had the baby for.

"Mo! Are you my doctor?"

"One of them yeah … you remember Jac?" Mo glanced at the surgeon who was watching the baby squirming the woman's arms.

"Yes … she was at the birth wasn't she?"

"Can we not mention that bit?"

"Maureen is still having nightmares," Jac explained with an expert lie executed in a bored tone.

"Sorry … wait, was that a joke or not?"

"What seems to be the problem then," Mo asked looking at the notes, "shortness of breath and sharp pains across the chest?"

Sorcia nodded as the child in her arms started screaming all the louder. "I'm sorry – I don't know what's wrong with him today."

Mo struggled to ignore the crying, "Well I need to check you over so if you can let Jac hold him for a bit – or put him in the pushchair?"

"Sure … if you're alright with that?"

"I think I'll manage," Jac muttered, keeping the sarcasm hidden as Jonny bustled over. After shooting him a glare not to mention the fact that this shouldn't be happening, Jac took the child much to Jonny's amusement. Retreating to the nurses' station so that Mo wouldn't be distracted, Jac began the task of settling him and surprisingly it worked. The child then noticed that he was in a surrounding full of sights he hadn't seen before; wriggling and squirming he looked over Jac's shoulder and started giggling away.

The sound tugged at Jac's heart, evoking memories of the other little babies she'd been trusted with in the past. In Jac's opinion the only way the sound would be all the more perfect was if the child was her own. Suddenly she needed to know – _had_ to know – if she still had that chance. A stabbing sensation in her abdomen coupled with the world spinning around her almost brought her to her knees and she would've probably collapsed in a heap if a certain nurse hadn't caught her.

"You okay?"

"Can you take him? Please Jonny – take him before I drop him." Jonny took the infant off Jac as she collapsed into a chair shaking while Mo and Elliot – who'd seemingly appeared out of nowhere – looked on.

"Jac … what's wrong?"

She shook her head, and a moment later both Elliot and Jonny disappeared leaving Jac alone with Mo. "What happened?"

"Dizzy spell – got one as I got out the car earlier." Jac muttered.

"And when you fell last night?"

Jac thought about it, "maybe … does it matter? Is Elliot taking over the case by any chance?"

"Yeah – I thought it best and Jonny called him over so I didn't have a choice … you looked like you knew what you were doing with him though … even had a smile on your face at one point."

"Until I nearly dropped him," Jac pointed out before excusing herself for the bathroom. Perhaps the fact that she'd lost what little colour was what alerted Mo to something else being wrong. "It's over Mo; okay? It's finished."

"You've been bleeding again?"

"Say it louder why don't you," Jac hissed.

Mo picked up the phone, "I'll get onto the lab about that test – unless you've changed your mind about the ultrasound."

"No. I'm not looking at a screen to be told nothing's there."

"Okay, fine … but you should let Jonny know." Jac got to her feet and hid herself in the office while Mo yelled down the phone to the lab for the results of the urine test for 'Mrs G'. Jonny joined her at the nurses' looking rather odd now he was babyless.

"What's up with Jac?"

"She's just got a lot on – I'm sure she'll tell you if it was anything important."

"And what about just now when she collapsed?"

"Just a dizzy spell – remember I used to get them all the time?"

"She's okay though?"

"As okay as she can be, under the circumstances," at Jonny's worried and confused expression Mo smiled, "you blokes really don't understand how effing hard it is, being pregnant."

Just at that moment the phone rang and Jonny answered it, "the results you were wanting, they're being sent up now," he relayed to Mo who nodded once before Elliot set him the task of taking baby William to the cresh while his mother was being treated for her symptoms. "Sure thing, you'll be alright without me?" When Jonny returned, he had the results for 'Mrs G' in his hand ready to give to Mo.

Taking them off him with a smile of thanks, and asking for some bloods for bay 4, Mo headed off to the consultants' office to give Jac the verdict. "Hey … I've got your urine results."

Jac looked up at once, her eyes suddenly fearful, "and?" Mo opened the envelope acutely aware that she held Jac's future in her hands. She was unable to supress the tiny ball of jealous inside her when she read the gratifying words that confirmed nothing was wrong, that Jac was still very much pregnant. "It's over isn't it?"

The pain, the sadness, the tightly controlled despair in her voice told Mo that there was no way Jac could afford to lose this child. "No, it's fine; everything's fine … well you're still pregnant." Mo handed the consultant the sheet of paper genuinely pleased for her regardless of the spite and the envy.

"So I am …"

"Right; ultrasound time – we had a deal didn't we? You had a fall and I wanna check that baby's okay." Jac made no complaint as she followed Mo back into the side room. The registrar fetched the machine while Jac closed her eyes eternally grateful over the fact that she was still pregnant. Things could still go right, could still become perfect. Jac didn't say anything while Mo went through the motions and did the scan, it felt somewhat surreal as she watched the bundle of cells – now faintly recognisable as a child – wriggle around trying to hide from the probe. "All fine and dandy … you lucky bitch," Mo printed off a photo.

"Keep it; my promise that you'll be involved." Mo smiled in thanks.

"Now go and reassure Jonny that everything is fine."

"What about you? You okay?"

"Yeah … I guess so."

Jac wiped the gel off her stomach with the bit of paper towel while Mo switched off the machine, looking up at the registrar Jac said, "Why don't you drag Sacha away from Rachel's bedside and go for a drink?"

"Huh?"

"I haven't been able to take him out and get him steaming drunk since he learnt about Rachel because I'm pregnant. Maybe you could do it for me – would cheer you both up no doubt … especially now Chrissie's done a runner."

"You're telling me to get Sacha drunk?"

"I can't … and it's my duty as his bestfriend."

"Tell Jonny and I'll think about it," Mo compromised.

Sighing, Jac left the side room in search for Jonny. She found him raiding the biscuit tin in the staff room and couldn't help smile at the look of concentration upon his face as he searched for the correct biscuit to dunk into his coffee. Sensing that he was being watched, Jonny glanced up and smiled at Jac. "I just made this coffee – don't make me get rid of it."

"I think you're safe for now." Jac reassured him, sitting down at the table next to Jonny and listened to him rattling on about some football match he was going to with his cousin at the weekend. "Mo's going to take Sacha out for a drink tonight." Jac interrupted.

"What, how come?" Jonny asked choking on his coffee.

"I can't – I'm pregnant – and he needs a good night out to take his mind off everything." Jac shrugged, dipping her hand into the tin, "besides, she needs cheering up too," at Jonny's confused look Jac rolled her eyes. "A year ago today your best mate was busy crushing my hands while you ran round trying to find the correct birthing partner."

"That was a year ago today?"

"Shock horror," Jac shook her head in amusement. "Sit down; she didn't expect you to remember – it's fine, she's fine."

"And what about you; are you okay?"

Jac hesitated, then reached forwards and took Jonny's hand almost as if she was worried he'd pull it away. "Everything is going to be just fine Jonny."

"Everything, why what was there to suggest it wouldn't be?" he asked alarmed.

Jac almost absently found she was playing with his free hand, "I kinda thought it was over today … I – I got the pains again early this morning – really early this morning … three or so I think – and was bleeding again. I … I – I thought that I'd had a miscarriage."

Jonny let go of his mug to touch her cheek, "you should've called me – even at three in the morning."

"I … I was scared," she admitted softly.

"You wee idiot … come here," without much warning, or choice, Jonny pulled her to her feet and into his arms.

"I just … didn't want to – to … to think that it might be over."

Jonny kissed the top of her head, "but it isn't over is it?" he placed a hand over her stomach and smiled down at her, "and I'll be here through it all – no matter what."

"Even if … if I do, erm … if things do – do go wrong?"

"Even then; sorry Naylor but you are stuck with me." Jac rested her head against his chest as he wrapped her firmly into his arms. Jac knew he was never going to let her go. "So … when do I have your permission to shout this news from the rooftop?"

"After you kiss me," Jac found herself saying.

He smirked, "I think I can wait long enough for a kiss or two."


End file.
